Keep going

Yesterday, I resolved to stay off social media until my lunch break because, a) in the best of times, Twitter is an bottomless pit of distraction, and b) in what may in fact be the worst of times, that distraction has ballooned to include the destruction of everything I know and love. FUN.

But after 4 hours spent futzing over class planning, I needed a little brain vacation and wanted to catch up on the haps. My lunch sat half-eaten as I tried to take it all in. I mean, this country has always been a violently colonialist, capitalist, racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic hellscape…it just always seemed (to my admittedly privileged-af ass) that we were at least trying to do and be better. Trying, as a community, to live up to some higher ideal of freedom and liberty as entombed by rich white slaveowners in our ever-vaunted Constitution. Seems we’re not even pretending anymore, let alone trying.

There’s part of me that says: resist! Donate more $$ to #NoDAPL! Call my representatives! Get more involved in local activism! Be the radical leftist teacher I want to see in the world! Fight back! Fuck them!

But to be honest, there’s also a part of me that feels…what’s the point? That runny orange shitstain is literally undoing whatever good Obama may have done and amping up the state’s oppressive violence to new levels…and it hasn’t been one goddamn week. What power do I have, do most members of my community have, against that, really? Even if we resist, even if we manage to make his every waking minute an exercise in frustration, his inevitable successes will make this country a measurably worse place to be for likely the rest of my life.

I don’t mean to sound so hopeless…but right now, I sound how I feel. Like I’m watching a plane fall from the sky and I’m no match for gravity.

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